


Loved and Wanted

by orphan_account



Series: Drabbles and Fics from 12/12 - 02/13 [8]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Depression, Fluff, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-06
Updated: 2013-11-06
Packaged: 2017-12-31 15:29:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1033314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Imagine person A being told their entire life that they are a bad person/useless person and them believing it… then person B discovering this broken and sad person and doing everything in their power to show them that they are amazing and love them as much as they can. Very slowly, person A believes it and opens up enough to let person B in."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loved and Wanted

Your name is Dirk Strider and you have never felt loved or wanted.

You practically raised yourself because no one else wanted to. 

Even when you were older and looking for work, no one wanted you. The only way you could find money was in the porn industry and even they got tired of you eventually.

Even when you got Dave, he never really seemed all that fond of you.

Then you met John, Dave’s best friend. He saw something in you. He didn’t look at you as if you were worthless and he told you so. The kid was always so fucking genuine about it, too, so you had no choice but to believe him.

But you also knew it was just the bliss of being young. He would find out when he was older that you weren’t who he thought you were.

Throughout the next few years John and Dave stayed friends and John would frequently stop by. Sometimes when Dave wasn’t home the kid would still stick around. He would hang out with you as if he still believed you weren’t useless. You wished he would grow out of that phase so that you could avoid the let down when he moved on and found out you weren’t as cool as he deluded himself to think.

One day he asked if you wanted to watch a movie with him. It was some action flick that he thought you would enjoy. The fact that he thought of you made your stomach twist. He brought over snacks and sodas for the occasion.

You wished he would stop already.

He kept coming over, if not more frequently, and you still didn’t get it. Dave had left for college, so John really had no reason to come around. You wanted to be left alone just like you deserved to be.

One day he brought over a new game for your Xbox. You played on two player mode and he made tons of quips at how bad you sucked at this game. You took none of them seriously and told him he wasn’t that great at it either. The two of you ended up getting into what could be described as a pillow fight, except the pillows were actually light punches and pushes that later evolved into the two of you wrestling, the game abandoned. 

You found yourself feeling less down than usual after he left and thought maybe John had never been bluffing when he said he liked hanging out with you. It made the uncomfortable twisting in your stomach turn into something that could be described as a happy flutter.

After a few days of not hearing from John your mind began to wander into places it hadn’t before. You started thinking of where you went wrong. How did you mess this up? What did you do?? You had done something to drive away the one person who felt any kind of emotion towards you. You were wrong about thinking you weren’t an awful person and you don’t know why you were even starting to think you weren’t.

You went to the medicine cabinet to check for any sleeping aids. Maybe you had some Tylenol PM or something. Sleep was what you needed to take your mind off things, you were sure. You found a bottle of some generic brand and popped two in your mouth and opened a beer. You knew you weren’t supposed to take alcohol with these things, but nothing ever happened before, so why would it be any different this time?

After awhile of sitting on the couch and waiting for sleep to overtake you, you decided to pop another. Maybe your body had become too accustomed to the two-pill dosage. A third would surely work.

But then you found yourself popping another, and another, and another. Even when your head started to feel heavy you couldn’t stop.

The next thing you knew you were waking up in a white room. Your body felt as if it were being pushed down, so you didn’t bother to try and move. You did manage to move your head, though, and when you did you saw Dave sitting in a chair on the far side of the room, glasses off and eyes fixated on the TV that hung from the ceiling, not noticing you were awake. It didn’t take long for him to notice, though and as soon as he did his face twisted up into an unrecognizable expression. Maybe it was one of betrayal, hurt, anger, or even disbelief.

Only then did it occur to you what you had done and you regretted it. All your life you told yourself you would never do such a thing. Striders didn’t give up. You didn’t give up. Dave opened his mouth as if he were going to yell, but he closed it quickly and walked out of the room.

Moments later he returned with a doctor and behind the doctor was John. The doctor looked like any other doctor. Emotionless expression and any expression that was shown was probably fake. John on the other hand looked tired, scared, and worried.

The doctor explained to you what happened. John and Dave had arrived at the apartment, cake, balloons, and your favorite Chinese take out in tow (it was your birthday, how did you forget) and after failed attempts at waking you an ambulance was called and your stomach was pumped. You were free to go after you signed some papers saying you agreed to go to no less than three meetings with a clinical therapist. Your driver’s license would also be taken away for no less than three months.

The ride back to the apartment was quiet. You had nothing to say. What could you say? “Sorry for almost killing myself”? You had a feeling anything either of them would say would involve yelling and you were sure they were saving that for when you were home.

When you were in the apartment and the door was shut you expected Dave to be the first one to yell at you, but instead your ears were met with the screaming of one John Egbert. He asked questions that you had no answers for such as “what were you thinking?”, “how could you do such a thing?”, “why didn’t you ever say anything?”, and “how could you be so selfish?” In the middle of his tirade he had broken into tears. You wanted to comfort him so bad, but you had a feeling that would only make things worse. Dave was there to comfort him instead and you were happy for that at least.

Dave had pretty much said the same thing, sans tears. That was just how Dave was, though. You had raised him and since you never really showed emotion, it rubbed off on him undoubtedly. You knew he was feeling the same as John, though, and the thought of that made you confused. Your thoughts were conflicted. What had made you think you weren’t cared for? You had two people who cared for you right in front of you.

John slept over that night, and the next few nights. He wanted to make sure you were okay. Dave was only able to stay for the rest of the weekend, though. He had classes to get back to and you understood. 

And that wasn’t just another lie you told yourself. You did understand. You were happy for him. He was getting a good education at a good school. He was a smart kid and you wanted to see him go places and get all the opportunities you never had.

After Dave had left, John was around more often. He spent more nights over at your apartment and even with Dave’s room free he would still sleep on the futon with you. You were glad for that.

He had also practically moved in. Most of his clothes were at there and he would clean and stock the kitchen regularly, as well as cook food for the two of you. John was an amazing cook, so you were glad for that, too.

One night while the two of you were on the futon you were both facing each other. The TV was on low volume in the background, and the two of you were just laying there. John reached up to take your shades off and then placed a kiss to your lips. It was quick and innocent, but your heart fluttered at the gesture. It fluttered even more at the words he said next.

"I love you, Bro."

"You can call me Dirk, kid." You said and chuckled, ignoring how he just confessed his love for you. You were not one to be loved. But he rolled his eyes and chuckled as well.

"I love you, Dirk." John said in a more pointed manner and this time it was as if all doubt you had two seconds ago had been washed away.

"I love you, too, John." You said and hesitantly placed a kiss on his forehead.

Your name is Dirk Strider and you finally feel loved and wanted.


End file.
